I Left Love Here Somewhere
And this is where love lives in Chingford Hatch
It lives in the telly, in Zee TV, in the soaps and talent shows, the jewels and the drama, in Man Like Mobeen when my cousin comes over
It lives in Sunrise Radio, the noise that drowns the worries out, the old Bollywood songs and the new ones with big baselines, romance being the common thread - the words ‘jaan’ and ‘dil’ run throughout them all
It lives in Lyca Mobile, that which allows for the hour long conversations between widowed sisters separated by the sea
It lives in the loops of WhatsApp messages and prayers softening the silence that has settled over a house which perhaps used to feel more like a home?
It lives in memories, memories of stepping off the boat from India, chappals crunching on strange March snow, memories of a very first flat in Hackney, two rooms for a family of four, memories of a late husband, a Papa (a Grandad), who was always adventurous, until illness took him over and then took him away
It lives in food, in rolling out an infinite number of rotis, in chicken curry for special occasions, in multi packs of Pom-Bears, stocked up for whenever our next snack attack strikes. Yes, food can be used as a tool for matriarchal manipulation - but, or maybe just and, it’s also a sharing of knowledge and a showcase of care
It lives in rituals, in filling the bird bath every morning and lighting the incense, in daily walks to the corner shop, the cornucopia of Chingford Hatch, in remembering to take the antidepressants and anti anxiety medication, in lining up the gods in our living room shrine, in calling the girls to lament, bemoan and gossip
It lives in the chicken shop meet ups with Papa’s old carer and in Joy who lives down the road
It lives in laughter, laughter directed at the tragedies that have befallen our family here at the Hatch - it may seem rude and crude to those who are not living it, but sometimes laughing is better than crying
And I really hope it lives somewhere in the true true darkness, in the perpetual soundtrack of sobbing, deep into the wilderness, down in the depths of the milky ocean which churns us up and spits us out
I hope we emerge through our losses covered in love
The above text was shown in the exhibition
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I Left Love Here Somewhere is a mixed media installation based upon mine and my Nan’s relationship. It is the culminating exhibition of my 2022 Artist Residency at the Swiss Church.
Made up of text, photography, sculpture and print, the installation explores the ways in which the themes of family, immigration, spirituality, grief, isolation, mental health, care, love and loss intertwine.
When all seems to be lost, can love still be found?